A Good Kind of Sad
Contemplating my father's terminal state, reminiscing about Checkpoint Charlie
In a recent post in the ‘Free Advice Berlin’ Facebook group—where I’ve learned a lot about my adopted city—someone asked whether there were any grieving groups for ex-pats, as she was dealing with the tragedy of losing a parent. I wondered, though, is it a tragedy, life and death? At what point does a rather expected illness in an elderly person, which hastens mortality, become a tragedy? The poster also wrote, “Please don’t DM me to hit on me in this vulnerable position, it’s not gonna happen”—yet you know many have and will slide into her DMs, as the internet is a cesspool and people’s lowest natures seem given free rein online. Everyone is seeking some kind of connection, but when it’s appropriate to do so, is where we often err. Perhaps a charitable view would be that being reminded of death makes people’s sense and desire for life more acute. Grief is a strangely public and private affair.
It’s possible to grieve for someone before they have died. This I knew already before my fat…
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