Tajikistan #4
Culture shock and its remedies
This is post #4 in a series of edited versions of my blog from 2010/11 when I studied Persian in Tajikistan. The first post is here, and more are to come!
Culture Shock Stage Two: Irritation and Hostility
Sometime after approx. one month in Tajikistan
I only had a few days of Stage One: Euphoria and Excitement. It’s difficult to be euphoric when your intestines are being put through a blender.
Why is everything so dirty and run down!?
Why does my family have to sit together and know everything the other is doing?
Why can’t I get a moment’s peace and quiet in my room?
Why does my host mom yell at her grandson all day to help her with this or that? Shouting across the courtyard is the norm in the house.
Why spend hours cleaning your car, but don’t connect the water to the sink you installed in the bathroom? How hard would it be to fix the sink?
If you took the same amount of energy that you expend spraying down the now mostly dirt road in front of your house each day with water to prevent dust, and just mixed a little cement up, you wouldn’t have to keep spraying it!
Why do they keep paying these bribes to the traffic cops who pull them over? Why don’t they refuse?
Why does the candy taste like crap?
Why do some people, especially the ones next to you on the bus or at the internet café, stink so bad?
You have seatbelts in cars for a reason…
Whoever runs the national university should lose their job—how can you not have a schedule of classes available anywhere!? Not even a list of which classes are offered, like a catalog?
…..and if I’m really honest and indulge in this phase, the result is:
What a s#@#hole! What’s the hell is wrong with these people!!!???
Attitude Adjustment Exercise aka Stages 3 and 4 of Culture Shock: Adjustment and Adaptation
Most of the above questions can be answered with one word: Money. They don’t have much of it.
1. Things are dirty because they only just finished a civil war in 1998, a war in which many people died of fighting and famine; the whole country has not only not been maintained or developed since the end of the Soviet Union but has gotten much worse. These people have suffered greatly and deserve our love, respect, and understanding.
2. This is the communal way of life; privacy and solitude in the Western sense are not familiar concepts here. The traditional way of life involves a strong and clear family structure, something that has been gradually degrading over the last decades of political upheavals, economic struggle, and Western influence. They love each other, but they have only their family to rely on, and even then, fathers frequently leave for work in Russia, where they take new wives and leave their families behind. (Tajikistan’s relationship with Russia is a bit like Mexico’s with the United States, both economically and socially).
3. I am their guest, and they are concerned about my welfare every moment of the day. If I am sitting alone in my room, it is a sign to them that they are not completing their hospitality duties. It is not a form of nosiness, just that they want me to be part of their family. Though my life as an exotic western woman surely interests them a lot. I also have to remind myself that I was having one of those ‘yearning-for-family’ phases before leaving the States, so I should be happy that I have a ready-made one here!
4. The oldest member of the family is the boss. Period. Everyone younger does what they say. That’s called a traditional family. Actually, I sort of like how this is, and that elders are respected, compared to the lazy and ungrateful teenagers I’ve seen in the States… I’m trying to see it in a positive light. America’s obsession with youth often means that old people are discarded and lose their social status and value. Not here.
5. As for the sink, they are actually fixing it…little by little when they get the money. Apparently, their plumber got sick for a while, so he couldn’t come. I saw the digs of another student the other day; they were much worse than mine as far as hygiene facilities go. There’s no bathtub at my house, but I’m living it up in comparison. The fact that they treat what they do have with such loving care, like cleaning their car after long trips, is a habit that Americans could really learn from. I know people in the States who have beautiful cars and trash them.
6. Again, public services are seriously lacking.
7. Bribes: State workers and city workers, these jobs are not cushy like in the States due to their short hours and pension funds. They only provide them the opportunity to line their pockets.
8. Candy and many other goods are imported from Turkey or China. They’re cheap. Luckily, I don’t eat a lot of candy, so I’m okay. I have seen Ritter Sport by now, too. My cute little host sister ate so much candy during Eid that she became a little spoiled brat. Some things are the same all around the world.
9. Stinky people… due to poverty, access to facilities, etc.
10. Culturally, they don’t do seatbelts. Or child safety seats in cars. This is especially alarming when you consider the roads. My host sister was just sitting on Grandma's lap in the front seat while we drove to the clinic to visit her disabled brother. Back in the 80s, I was standing like her, in the front seat, and my mom gently hit a bus that suddenly stopped in front of her rather than step on the brakes, which would have resulted in me flying through the windshield. I keep waiting for the windshield moments here. True story from the 80s.
11. The higher education system here is simply….Soviet? Or Central Asian, or something. The focus is on the teachers and staff who are highly respected for their position and accomplishments. The students’ success is reflected on the teachers; otherwise, the concept of taking responsibility for the situation is not like it is in the US. They probably only had three computers at the whole University, so they were having the same problem I’ve been having by not having access to the internet. You need a system of networked computers to create a schedule and program that anyone can coordinate and access online. They are stuck in the 1980s because of lack of resources.
Overall, I’m not as peeved about everything as last week. It comes and goes as I am exposed to new things. I’ve heard people who have been here for years say that there’s something about Central Asia that just grows on you. Just like the mold that grows on the bread they leave out…. : ) Haha, just kidding—that’s not unique to Tajikistan. I have to keep reminding myself why I came and keeping an open heart and mind—and I do not regret coming here; it’s not even as bad as others would have had me believe!
Later, in October 2010, I made this list of things I missed from the USA:
(Many of these are related to living in a Tajik host-family situation)
Things I miss:
My true loves Stephen Colbert and John Stewart (the site is blocked, and video doesn't work much anyway due to internet speed).
Walking down the street and not fearing the police (it’s not like they’re going to beat me or something, but stop and question me or take my passport and make me ‘go with them to the station’).
Driving and not fearing the police.
Driving.
Driving with my music blasting and singing along.
Going somewhere, and then changing my mind halfway there and going somewhere else without it being a big deal. Going anywhere without it being a big deal due to being stared at, talked at, and generally causing a scene due to my very presence, not to mention dealing with public transportation.
Being alone.
Being naked.
Shopping at Whole Foods.
Cooking.
Cooking naked.
Chipotle burrito bowl with Carnitas AND Barbacoa.
Smoothies.
NPR in the morning on the way to work.
Black people (as in, Diversity)
Things I Don’t Miss:
The shopping mall.
The traffic.
The office.
Over-air conditioning.
Obesity (It’s almost a relief to stare at people for being so skinny instead of fat—you wonder how they have enough muscle mass to hold their briefcases here...).
Fast food restaurants.
The sound of cars instead of birds.
Taxis costing more than airfare.
Self- and politically obsessed Washingtonians.
That’s it for today; check in next week for installment #5, where I continue my culinary adventures in Central Asia.
